The Feedback You’re Too Afraid to Give As a Leader

…and why that’s hurting your leadership more than you think.

We hold back the truth and tell ourselves it’s because we don’t want to disappoint people.

But often, that’s not the real reason. The real fear? That they’ll think less of us.

It’s a tricky little trap.

We’re not trying to hurt anyone. We’re trying to stay liked. Respected. Approved of.

So instead of sharing the truth, which might actually help everyone, we play it safe. We try to protect our image instead of protecting the people around us. That’s not leadership. That’s self-preservation disguised as kindness.

An Example: The Feedback You Didn’t Give

You have a teammate. Talented. Hardworking. Likable. But they’re consistently missing the mark.

Their presentations are unclear. Their communication is scattered. They’re frustrating the rest of the team. And here’s the worst part, everyone knows it.

They’re talking about it. But no one’s talking to them.

Why? Because the person who should say something, maybe that’s you, is too afraid of what it might do to the relationship. Or how it might look. So we say nothing. Not because we don’t care. But because we’re too focused on protecting our brand.

Leadership Means Risking the Relationship

Leaders put themselves on the line to guide others. They risk being misunderstood. They risk disappointing someone short-term. They risk a shift in how they’re perceived. Because the long game is clarity, trust, and growth.

Not saying anything might keep things comfortable. But it also keeps people stuck. It keeps you stuck.

Here’s a radical idea: What they think of you isn’t your responsibility.

Not because you don’t care but because you can’t control it anyway. You can’t lead or live based on mind-reading.

Instead, trust that others can handle your honesty. Trust that the relationship can hold more truth than you think. Trust that leadership includes discomfort.

Giving the benefit of the doubt isn’t the goal. It’s a tool. A useful psychological lever to get you unstuck. You don’t give it because you’re sure how they’ll respond. You give it because you’re committed to moving forward anyway.

You give it to silence the inner voice saying:

“They’ll hate this. You’ll ruin everything.”

Instead, you say:

“Maybe they’ll surprise me. Maybe they’ll grow from this. Maybe I will too.”

It’s not a guarantee. It’s a way to act. To lead.

In leadership (and life), we put so much pressure on doing the “right” thing… that we do nothing. We wait for the perfect moment, the perfect script, the perfect outcome. We confuse safety with success.

But alignment doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from movement.

You do the thing. You say the truth. You risk the “letdown.”

And then?

You adjust. You clarify. You repair. You grow. That’s leadership. If you’re stuck in that limbo, not wanting to disappoint anyone, remember:

You’re not responsible for someone else’s assumptions.

The longer you wait, the heavier it gets.

Clarity is kindness, even if it stings at first.

You can’t make it right until you do something.

Say the thing. Do the thing. And trust the relationship and yourself to make it right afterward. Let them be strong enough to handle your honesty. Let yourself be strong enough to deliver it. This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about being aligned.

And you’re not letting them down. You’re just showing up. And that’s something the right people will never hold against you.

Thanks for listening - cheering your journey on as a fearless leader,

Dr. Benjamin Ritter, Leadership and Career Coach, Live for Yourself Consulting

P.S. If you're navigating people-pleasing leadership, tough conversations, or the weight of trying to “get it right”… That’s the zone I work in. Always happy to talk - send over a message.